I do this work because I need it myself and there’s nothing more rewarding than supporting men who are willing to get real, connect deeply, and take ownership of their lives.
Joining a weekly men’s circle in 2020 changed my life.
For nearly three decades, I’d managed to keep up appearances as a smart, calm, strong, and self-sufficient guy. But I’d been cracked open.
I was struggling with anxiety and panic attacks.
I’d fallen in love and was trying to prove myself to a beautiful woman. I was stressed out trying to excel at my job despite a lifelong pattern of procrastinating. And I was getting absolutely humbled by a chaos in my mind and a terror in my body that was beyond anything I’d felt before.
My fascination with philosophy, psychology, and meditation provided little comfort or direction. I’d prided myself on being a ‘good thinker’, but thinking about my problems now only seemed to make them worse. I could barely name – much less communicate – what I was experiencing. I’d never used the word “anxiety” before, but now I was drowning in it, I didn’t know why, and I wanted it to stop.
It’s not that I didn’t know fear – I was a rock climber, a motorcycle rider, a global adventurer. I was an adrenaline junkie! But this was different. And sometimes I’d erupt with inexplicable sadness or anger, which further confounded me as a ‘rational’ guy.
If an emotion didn’t make sense, I could barely admit I was feeling it. So I went through cycles of bottling things up, trying to self-diagnose and control myself, and eventually breaking down – often by picking a fight with my partner so I could blame her for at least some of the things I needed to let out.
I walked down the sidewalk fearing people would see what was happening inside of me. I was shocked they seemed not to notice. Even my partner seemed oblivious unless I told her.
I went to therapy for the first time. I started to taste what it would be like to lay it all out. To reveal what was happening inside. But I was still scared, defensive, self-critical, afraid of rejection, and battling desperately for inner control. I didn’t know how to receive support, and I was even worse at receiving a healthy challenge.
Eventually, I was in a crisis of masculinity. I couldn’t be the partner I wanted to be. How could I have any pride in myself as a man if I was full of confusion and chaos? The only way I could bring calm and confidence to my partner was by faking it. And eventually, I couldn’t keep that up.
I was desperate to connect with men who faced similar struggles. I’d always tried to be the non-judgmental guy who was good at listening and encouraging others, but I was secretly judgmental and competitive. I feared showing even my closest friends anything but my strengths.
This was during COVID so I joined an online men’s group. Looking back, it’s as if I joined the group to prove to myself and the other guys how uniquely broken I was. That’s not what I found.
Sitting in group week after week, I started to let go of my lone wolf style. I learned to trust that these guys had my back – even when I was ashamed of my struggles and mistakes and the repeated patterns that left me feeling inadequate.
In fact, the more I dug into what I was really feeling and let it out in all its raw messiness, the more they got it. They got me. They were grateful to feel what I was experiencing. They actually wanted to hear what it was like to be me.
My relationship and friendships deepened. I reconciled with my brother whom I loved deeply but had kept at a distance since childhood.
Years into this work, I am now more clear about who I am and what I want. I have support, challenge, and brotherly love when I need it most. And I know I never need to be alone in my anger, anxiety, overwhelm, or grief.
Since 2022, I’ve been honored to lead this same weekly circle.
I witness men doing the work of owning their patterns, revealing their inner world, receiving feedback from other men, and taking responsibility for leading deeply meaningful lives.
Guiding men on this path is now a lifelong calling for me.
In my online and in-person groups, I bring the most potent practices I’ve found for dropping men into the depth, openness, and connection we desperately need but easily lose touch with as we manage our responsibilities.
I believe we need these experiences like a kind of nourishment. And I look forward to sharing them with every man who shows up.
Maybe you’ve heard of “men’s work” from the ManKind Project or ManTalks or Sacred Sons and you’ve always been curious about it. Maybe you’ve sat in a circle before.
Or maybe this seems woo-woo, prickles your neck with fear, or triggers your judgment about the kind of men who would join – or worse, need – this kind of thing. But if you’ve read this far, something must intrigue you.
If you feel the call, let’s work together. But you should know: as with anything that’s real and meaningful, you’ll only get out of this what you put in.